Pictured left to right: Nikki Trout holding Sadie's best friend Lydia and best friend Samantha Capstick holding Sadie.
Courtesy: Samantha Capstick
By Samantha Capstick
Grief has a way of infiltrating every part of your life, reshaping it without your consent. I’ve seen it up close, felt it in every moment spent with my best friend, Nikki, as she walked a path no mother should ever have to walk. Nikki's daughter Sadie was born with cancer but not diagnosed until she was seven weeks old with retinoblastoma, an eye cancer that begins in the back of the eye.
Watching Nikki through her daughter Sadie’s cancer journey—through the late-night hospital vigils, the moments when all she could do was cling to hope with nothing to hold onto except to the promises of God's word—changed me, too. I knew from a friend’s perspective, that her grief was something words could never fully capture, but I wanted to try to honor it, and her, here.
Sadie was so young when the nightmare began and Nikki was forced into a battle no one is ever prepared for. It wasn’t just a fight against cancer; it was a fight for her sanity, her marriage, her family, and her own sense of self. Every single day became about Sadie’s healing, and with three kids, the balancing act was relentless. While the world moved on, Nikki’s life became a ticking clock of fear—every lab test, every doctor’s visit, every sleepless night filled with the haunting question: What if it comes back? What if the next report isn't good news?
That constant dread transformed her world into one of hyper-vigilance, a place where time nearly stopped, where joy was something distant and foreign. She loved all her kids with her whole heart, but there was no denying the effect of pouring so much into Sadie’s healing. She grieved in silence, often feeling that she wasn’t allowed to fully mourn because she had to be "strong” for Sadie, for her family, and for everyone else. In many ways, it felt like Nikki lost herself in that time, piece by piece, until the woman I knew so well became a stranger even to herself. I remember looking into her eyes and seeing the exhaustion and the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) that lingered in every dark corner, every quiet moment she managed to steal for herself. I saw the toll it took on her marriage, too—how both she and her husband were pulled in opposite directions by their own heartache, each grappling with the weight of survival.
For years, Nikki lived in that space. It was grief—pure, raw, and consuming. I thought at times she might never make it out, and I could only be there, offering what little comfort I could, feeling helpless in the wake of her pain. But somehow, she did. She emerged from that darkness, slowly, with a strength that continues to leave me in awe. She found her way not just to healing but to an extraordinary purpose that I don’t think either of us saw coming.
The fear and grief that once consumed her became the fuel for something beautiful: Aligned Mommas, a community we built to support women who, like her, have known unspeakable pain and need a place to feel seen, understood, and loved. Nikki’s journey transformed her into someone more empathetic, more compassionate, and, if it’s even possible, more loving. She turned her grief into a gift for others, making sure no mom would ever feel as alone as she once did. The same fire that nearly consumed her became the light she now holds up for others.
To see Nikki take what nearly broke her and shape it into something so powerful, so healing, has been a privilege, and it reminds me daily of the resilience of the human spirit. Her journey taught me that grief doesn’t go away, but it can be reshaped, transformed, and given purpose.
Nikki’s story is one of triumph, but it’s also one of survival, of finding yourself on the other side of pain so deep it could swallow anyone whole.
To any mother facing this kind of grief, to anyone who feels like they are drowning, know that healing is possible, even if it looks nothing like you expected. In the darkest days you have to cling to God's promises, knowing He is faithful.
Nikki is proof of that. She is a warrior, a mother, a friend, and now, a beacon of hope for so many others. Watching her come back to life taught me that while grief may reshape us, it also has the power to make us more—more resilient, more compassionate, more alive than we ever thought possible.
Nikki’s story isn’t just her own. It’s a reminder that no matter how dark life gets, there’s always a path forward, and sometimes, that path leads to a purpose far greater than we could ever imagine.
Nikki and her family are thriving today. Sadie has been cancer free for two years.
For more information:
Aligned Mommas Community on Facebook or visit alignedmommas.com/about or listen to their podcast, Aligned Mommas.
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